Internal Family Systems (IFS) helps you get to know your inner world in a non-pathologizing way, uncovering a source of healing from within. Feeding Your Demons® (FYD) is a guided visualization process that helps you face emotional challenges and transform them through nourishment instead of fighting them. Both are radical paths out of suffering and into freedom.
Understanding Our Inner Multiplicity
IFS starts with some premises: you are a multiplicity, not a single unified personality, and you have a core awareness beneath it all. We’re a complex tapestry of different parts—opinions, feelings, memories, hurts, wisdoms – and at our core we have a Self that is inherently undamaged and capable of healing the parts. The brilliance of IFS is that we intentionally distinguish these parts so we can understand how they’re interrelating. Much of our inner struggle comes from fraught relationships between parts of ourselves. In IFS, we learn to move these parts out of the driver’s seat so that our Self can lead.
At your core is an essential nature highly capable of holding, healing, and guiding your life. Everyone has this, and in IFS we call it the Self (always capitalized). The qualities of Self are the “8 C’s”: curiosity, clarity, compassion, creativity, calm, connectedness, courage, and confidence, plus the “5 Ps”: patience, presence, perspective, persistence, and playfulness.
Richard Schwartz chose the word “Self” through Carl Jung’s influence, but here’s where my Buddhist lens comes in: this Self is not the personality or ego. It’s not the reified, separate self that Buddhism teaches is an illusion. Instead, the IFS Self resembles what Buddhist teachings point to as our true nature: the luminous, spacious ground of being that naturally embodies compassion and clarity when not obscured by our protective patterns. The IFS Self is more what Buddhism recognizes as our inherent buddha-nature—the unconditioned awareness that remains when the fabricated and compensatory sense of self dissolves. This is sometimes referred to as the “non-self” in Buddhist dharma teachings, and this is linguistically confusing when held up next to the IFS definition of Self. My hope is that we don’t let these word-labels distract us from the essential wisdom medicine being revealed here.
Parts themselves are not bad. They’re layers of sub-personalities we’ve adopted to cope, succeed, find safety, and get by. Framing these layers in us as parts is helpful because it brings spaciousness and order to what can feel like a chaotic emotional knot. A part of you wants things to be perfect while another part of you knows you need to relax; a people-pleaser part says “yes” when another part feels a strong no; a self-critical part who fixates on what’s wrong while a pitiful part feels wounded. More vulnerable parts might be a not-good-enough part that has you play small, or a shame part that believes you’re inherently bad.
When parts are seen for their underlying intentions—to protect us even if their method has turned toxic—we feel more understanding toward them, which decreases our stress. Importantly, parts are malleable. They can change and grow with patience and love from Self. The perfectionist could become someone who loves the process without attachment to outcomes. The people-pleaser can relax, knowing that when Self leads, you’re being kind while maintaining healthy boundaries. Vulnerable parts can get the TLC they need, and feelings like shame can flow through you, metabolize, and transform.
FYD works with this same multiplicity through a different lens, framing our struggles as “demons”—not supernatural entities but metaphors for psychological challenges. A demon can be anything draining our energy or keeping us from feeling free: chronic shame, explosive anger, paralyzing fear, harsh self-criticism, physical pain. The practice acknowledges that these forces inside us need nourishment, not banishment.
FYD emerged from Chöd, an 11th-century Tibetan Buddhist practice for cutting through ego-clinging and developing compassion. Lama Tsultrim Allione adapted this into a contemporary form, making these teachings accessible to modern people. Rather than battling aspects of ourselves, the practice invites us to turn toward them with compassionate awareness—mirroring how we regard parts from the seat of Self. Both practices train us to unblend and establish supportive relationships between that which is struggling and that which is infinitely resourced.
The Relational Approach
As a longtime meditator, I’ve learned to mindfully witness my thoughts and feelings, even how to rest in the unblemished ground of consciousness. But sometimes that’s not enough. Sometimes I can’t unhook—I feel overwhelmed and fused with certain thoughts and emotions. This is where the power of a loving relationship comes in.
We’re relational beings who fundamentally need to be seen and regarded with loving attention. While we need this from others sometimes, as we mature spiritually and psychologically, we can increasingly access this on our own. IFS and FYD give us techniques for how to do this. With our interoception we can feel into ourselves and imagine what parts look or feel like. Whether we “see” a part or not, we imagine that two parties are present: Self and the part; you and the demon; I and thou. There’s a chance for safety, trust, and love to enter the space when there is the manifestation (both real and imagined) of two bodies to exchange those feelings. We facilitate connection between a pained part and a loving, resourced being—how fortunate that this being is right there inside of you!
The Art of Unblending
One fundamental action in IFS for accessing Self is called “unblending from parts.” Unblending simply means to imagine a part giving you some space. When you’re “blended” with a part, its emotions, beliefs, and perspectives feel like your own—you identify with it and assume it’s true. But then we are limited and cut off from the vast, grounded wisdom our Self reveals. What we want to do is orient from Self – the unburdened essence of who we truly are – instead of acting out habitually from our parts. We can learn to speak for, not as, a part. We aren’t getting rid of parts, but by unblending we are taking them out of the seat of leadership. We listen to them with compassion and curiosity, then can act on the behalf of their genuine needs, their good intentions. Unblending creates space and perspective, letting you observe and interact with the part rather than being taken over by it. With respectful treatment from Self, in time parts relax and transform, eventually integrating into your whole system as healthy players in the unfolding of your life.
Unblending can begin by reframing: instead of “I feel so anxious,” try “I have a part that feels anxious.” This creates space and an opening to notice what is noticing, finding something that’s not the anxiety. The process often reveals layers of parts, and by unblending from these layers, Self is allowed to emerge with calm, curiosity, compassion, and clarity. With practice, unblending helps you respond thoughtfully rather than react automatically.
Parts ultimately don’t want to be blended or in charge. They have needs, and often those needs aren’t met when they’re leading. When we unblend and let Self reign, the part gets its needs met. Through mindful parts detection and unblending, we continually strip down to discover subtler consciousness levels, finding glimpses of our true nature—shining, peaceful, awakened awareness. Parts are useful in this relative reality of form and families and society. Seen as non-pathological, our parts are the reality of what it is to be human and they can be portals to self-growth and healing.
How the Practices Support Each Other
Having knowledge of each practice can be mutually supportive. Both approaches emphasize noticing sensations in the body as a foundation for transformation. FYD begins with a simple yet effective breathing sequence to establish relaxation and centeredness—a grounding that enhances any psychological work. With IFS, we continually check in with the body to get information of sensations which show us the presence of parts as well as Self energy.
Understanding parts and the skill of unblending can enrich the FYD process by helping practitioners approach their demons from Self energy—that compassionate awareness that naturally welcomes rather than resists difficult material. When we’re unblended from parts that may fear or resist the demon being worked with, we’re more available for the profound transformation FYD offers.
Knowing the principles of FYD while doing IFS adds another layer of rich and tangible visuals and embodiment. Giving a shadow part of ourselves a form in the FYD process really helps us to flesh out the part so it is not dwelling in the shadows and inaccessible to our conscious efforts to liberate it. The psychic act of nourishing a part with benevolent nectar is a profoundly embodied, open-hearted, and palpably felt action that is beautifully embellished through the FYD guidelines. FYD’s structured approach to meeting our shadows with nourishment rather than opposition beautifully demonstrates what Self energy looks like in action, providing a clear model for how to relate to parts with the same generous, non-judgmental presence.
Skillful Use of Imagination
Both practices recognize imagination as a powerful tool. We use imagination constantly—spinning in worry we imagine scary outcomes, dwelling in anger we imagine hostile enemies, sinking into depression we imagine no hope. Then we experience real symptoms of stress. Why not consciously use imagination to positively affect our bodies and minds? This is skillful use of imagination.
FYD gives us a structured method. The instructions have us imagine what the demon looks like to begin differentiating (unblending) from the emotion. You strengthen compassion when you imagine feeding the demon what it needs, transforming it. You might meet a demon of aggression who wants to destroy, then discover it really needs a sense of power and safety. You feed it a nectar of power-filled safety, nourishing it to satisfaction. The effect of feeding, not fighting, is that stress melts away as the inner tug-of-war lets go.
The next powerful step in FYD is visualizing benevolent Allies—luminous beings, wise mentors, animals—anyone who arises in your psyche to give you groundedness, purity, humor, peace. Allies function like Jungian archetypes, allowing practitioners to connect with and embody powerful, integrated qualities (e.g., wisdom, fierce compassion, purity). We often fixate on negative people and situations from primal instinct. The flip side is saturating in positive feelings like being safe, loved, strong, protected. When the ally appears, our imagination summons the image of one who embodies those qualities, and we feel ourselves with them. When we do this we are wiring our brain similarly to when we are with a safe, loving attachment figure as a child. The beauty, symbolism, and structured ritual of the Ally portion in particular can regulate emotional states and build resilience and self-confidence. Used in conjunction with the IFS framework, it is encouraging to discover these ally qualities are imbued in our core Self energy.
IFS also invites imaginal creativity. We are not fabricating things in a forced way, but in a sense tuning into another level of our reality by trusting what pops up in our imaginal field when we turn towards our parts. Some people “see” parts as beings or objects. Some feel energies or colors. Either way, using different brain pathways to imagine parts helps us untangle from our entrenched position inside the part’s mentality. When we can have space from painful thoughts and notice that this experience is happening but not the whole story, then the part can start to move out of its painful, repetitive pattern and transform. Emotions get metabolized and long-suffering parts finally rest in the courageous, compassionate presence of Self.
The Role of Nourishment
When we feed something, we’re enacting one of the core gestures of life. The earth is constantly feeding—it’s Her primary action. In FYD, we feed on a subtle yet potent level by giving heartfelt nectar to areas in our psyches starved for goodwill.
My mental image of our inner system is a vast branching tree—millions of interconnected channels through which we send love to heal what’s hurting and nourish what’s depleted. Unblending from parts and allowing Self to connect to those parts is like filling a parched landscape with steady rain; all channels get saturated in the liquid-light nourishment of Self-energy. Life perks up, vitality is restored, true nature awakens.
This true nature isn’t always sunshine and butterflies, but it’s unburdened from the delusion that you’re bad or separate from everything. You always belong to this existence. Discomfort and uncertainty are realities we live with, but they’re not “the problem.” The biggest cause of suffering is how we relate to what’s happening. When we relate with love, we nourish starved tributaries of the vast web of life. When we relate with rejection, we perpetuate starvation and the ensuing harmful behaviors.
Nourishment happens on many levels—physical food, sunlight, pleasant sounds, silence. Psychologically, we get nourished by positive thoughts, feelings of safety, being seen and heard by a compassionate other. Sometimes it’s not possible to get nourishment from others, which could be a sign to seek community—or to learn accessing nourishment from an infinite inner source. These practices help us uncover and access it.
Paths to Awakening
Both practices offer opportunities to awaken to the true nature of things. Embedded in Buddhist teachings, FYD helps us actualize a core aspiration: to awaken to the true nature of things. By experiencing reality as it actually is, we realize how insubstantial the things we think are solid actually are. Attachments and intense preferences dissolve, and we’re less bothered by constant change (suffering less). We dwell more in loving compassion, generosity, and gratitude.
Though not Buddhist in origin, IFS gives us a map to find our basic goodness, our fundamental natural state. I have found both IFS and FYD to be profoundly helpful “how to” instruction manuals for how to actually make headway towards reducing suffering and increasing this embodied alignment with our true nature.
Each practice is complete in itself. Neither needs the other to be effective. They stand alone in their power, potency, and potential. Yet having lived with both for over a decade, I constantly experience them interacting and supporting one another. FYD carries centuries of Vajrayana Buddhist wisdom and is also informed by the deep and radical lineage of Gestalt therapy. When practiced alongside other dharma practices, it gives a surprisingly accessible window into the nature of mind. IFS is primarily rooted in western psychology and yet also has components shamanic in nature (similar to Vajrayana Buddhism). IFS weaves knowledge from family systems, Gestalt, Jungian therapy, and attachment theories. Both are forward-thinking in the creative use of our inherent multiplicity and the skillful tapping into natural sources of healing.
Whether you’re drawn to IFS’s psychological and spiritual framework or FYD’s ritualistic roots and animated visualization, both offer profound pathways to inner freedom. They teach us that our struggles—parts or demons—aren’t enemies to defeat but aspects yearning for understanding. In meeting our complex humanness with compassion rather than judgment, we discover that qualities once causing suffering become sources of wisdom and strength, creating foundations for the more peaceful world that begins within our own hearts.
To learn more about Feeding Your Demons, visit www.taramandala.org or read “Feeding Your Demons” by Lama Tsultrim Allione, Little, Brown and Company.
