The Transformative Power of Nourishing Our Difficult Emotions
One of the core principles that can truly transform our relationship with ourselves is the concept of feeding not fighting. When we encounter challenging emotions or patterns within ourselves, our instinctive reaction is often to resist them—to push away, ignore, or battle against what feels uncomfortable. But what if there was a more effective approach?
Why Fighting Doesn’t Work
When uncomfortable or difficult feelings arise—whether self-criticism, anxiety, depression, insecurity, anger, or fear—we typically want to eliminate them. We might: – Try to ignore the feeling, hoping it will simply disappear – Mentally fight against it, imagining we can push it away through force – Obsessively analyze it, believing we can solve it through intellectual effort
These tactics are all forms of resistance in one shape or another. We position the feeling as an enemy to be defeated. Yet this antagonistic stance often deepens our suffering rather than alleviating it. We exhaust ourselves in a battle that cannot be won through force.
The Wisdom of Nourishment
Consider this: How do you transform a frightened, neglected animal into a trusting companion? How do you help a distressed child feel secure and thrive? You don’t fight against their distress—you provide nourishment, warmth, safety, unconditional love, and attuned attention.
Our difficult emotions respond in the same way. In their extreme forms, they may appear as tormenting monsters or overwhelming vulnerabilities. Their intensity or ferocity stems from being starved of something they deeply need—fundamentally, nourishment and kind attention. This nourishment is not weak or passive; rather, it draws from deep, vast sources of inner strength. The kindness we can offer is diamond-like: brilliant and generous, yet sturdy and resilient. It can be incredibly soft and tender, but it can also be a powerhouse of protective and wise energy. This diamond-kindness transforms what once seemed threatening into a source of clarity and strength.
The Buddhist Roots of This Approach
This perspective aligns with ancient Buddhist wisdom, particularly the practice known as Chöd from the Tibetan tradition. Lama Tsultrim Allione has adapted this 11th-century practice into a contemporary form called “Feeding Your Demons®,” making these profound teachings accessible for modern practitioners.
In this context, “demons” aren’t supernatural entities but metaphors for our psychological challenges—the very emotions and patterns that cause us distress. Rather than battling these aspects of ourselves, the practice invites us to turn toward them with compassionate awareness.
How Feeding Works
You might wonder: “Why would I want to feed my inner critic or anxiety? Wouldn’t that just make it stronger?”
The key distinction lies in what we’re feeding these challenging parts. When we feed them with compassion, patience, acceptance, and friendly attention, they tend to transform rather than intensify. What makes our difficult emotions grow more troublesome is when we unconsciously feed them with more anxiety, fear, and rejection.
Through the Feeding Your Demons® five-step process, we learn to identify these challenging aspects, personify them, and engage with them directly. This guided, active visualization helps us discover what our “demons” truly need and allows us to witness their transformation into allies. We then connect deeply with this ally aspect within us, learning to embody it more fully over time. We metabolize the good from the difficult situation and turn poison into medicine.
The transformative capacity of this practice unfolds in its own time. Sometimes a shift can be felt immediately, while other times our longstanding habits of mind need patient, repeated nourishment before they soften their grip.
Benefits of the Practice
When we learn to nourish rather than battle our difficult emotions:
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We develop greater emotional resilience
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Internal conflicts begin to resolve naturally
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We experience more self-compassion
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Our energy becomes available for creative expression rather than inner struggle
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We discover wisdom within what once seemed like obstacles
The practice reminds us that healing comes not from perfecting ourselves or eliminating our struggles, but from relating to all aspects of our experience with awareness and kindness.
Here is an excellent talk by Lama Tsultrim Allione, creator of Feeding Your Demons (FYD), given at Naropa University, which includes a guided FYD session. I love the stories she tells about the origins of FYD and the clarity which which she teaches the practice.
